Who knew I would crave for sleep so much?
I'm also on a coffee break that will end tomorrow. Why am I doing this? Because I'm under a treaty known as the Comprehensive Coffee Ban Treaty. The treaty started Monday and goes until Friday. Yes, even after school is over, I (and my friend) are still nerds. Look, we even have verification methods! In fact, here's the treaty (It's modeled after the Chemical Weapon Convention):
Comprehensive Coffee Ban Treaty (CCBT)
Preamble:
The States Parties to this Convention,
Determined to achieve effective progress towards general and complete decaffeination under strict and effective international control,
Bearing in mind the horrific damage caused by the indiscriminate use of coffee during the One Day Module War,
Determined for the sake of all mankind, to exclude completely the possibility of the further use of coffee in Module production,
Desiring to promote the trade and development of peaceful beverages,
Have agreed as follows:
Article I: General Obligations
1. Each State Party to this Convention undertakes, for a five day period, not:
a) To produce, otherwise acquire, stockpile or retain coffee, or transfer, directly or indirectly, coffee to third parties;
b) To employ coffee;
c) To encourage or assist in any way a third party from obtaining, stockpiling, or retaining coffee.
2. Each State Party to this Convention undertakes, for a five day period, to destroy all current stocks of coffee under its control, regardless of its current location or control sub-delegation.
3. Each State Party to this Convention undertakes, for a five day period, to:
a) repatriate any forwards-deployed coffee capable devices;
b) refrain from positioning coffee capable devices within 100 meters of national borders;
c) freeze the development of new coffee capable devices.
4. Each State Party to this Convention undertakes to destroy all coffee making devices or convert all coffee making devices to peaceful use for the duration of the agreement.
5. Each State Party to this Convention must abide to the Verification Protocol in Annex I.
Article II: Definitions and Criteria
For the purposes of this Convention:
1. “Coffee precursors” means the following, together or separately:
a) the seeds of several species of shrubs of the Coffea genus, as defined in Appendix A, and physical changes of the above, including but not limited to ground versions;
b) synthetic equivalents to such substances.
2. “Coffee” is defined as coffee precursors which have been converted into Module-useable form, regardless of method, and notably including but not limited to through the boiling, steeping, or pressurizing of coffee precursors.
3. “Coffee capable devices” are defined as any device which produces coffee, by any method, including but not limited to boiling, steeping, and pressurizing, except if:
a) the maximum quantity produced is less than 1mL;
or if:
b) the maximum concentration of caffeine is less than 1 ppm.
Annex I: Verification Protocol
Definition:
1. "Challenge Inspection" means the inspection of an area under the jurisdiction or control of a State Party, as requested by another State Party, within the bounds of the Implementation protocol.
Implementation:
1. States may request a Challenge Inspection at any time within the five day period covered by the Convention, which must announce a location to be inspected of no more than 10m in diameter.
2. States facing a Challenge Inspection request must grant access to the location stipulated within two hours of the demand.
3. In the event that a state refuses a Challenge Inspection, the state in violation of its Convention agreement is required to buy lunch for five days to the state which requested a Challenge Inspection.
4. Claims of violations based on the results of a Challenge Inspection will be submitted to the Skype Security Council.
Appendix A:
Refer to Fig. 14.1, Lashermes Philippe, Bertrand Benoît, Etienne Hervé, “Breeding Coffee (Coffea arabica) for Sustainable Production,” Breeding Plantation Tree Crops: Tropical Species, eds. S. Mohan Jain, P. M. Priyadarshan (New York: Springer, 2009), 527.
The States Parties to this Convention,
Determined to achieve effective progress towards general and complete decaffeination under strict and effective international control,
Bearing in mind the horrific damage caused by the indiscriminate use of coffee during the One Day Module War,
Determined for the sake of all mankind, to exclude completely the possibility of the further use of coffee in Module production,
Desiring to promote the trade and development of peaceful beverages,
Have agreed as follows:
Article I: General Obligations
1. Each State Party to this Convention undertakes, for a five day period, not:
a) To produce, otherwise acquire, stockpile or retain coffee, or transfer, directly or indirectly, coffee to third parties;
b) To employ coffee;
c) To encourage or assist in any way a third party from obtaining, stockpiling, or retaining coffee.
2. Each State Party to this Convention undertakes, for a five day period, to destroy all current stocks of coffee under its control, regardless of its current location or control sub-delegation.
3. Each State Party to this Convention undertakes, for a five day period, to:
a) repatriate any forwards-deployed coffee capable devices;
b) refrain from positioning coffee capable devices within 100 meters of national borders;
c) freeze the development of new coffee capable devices.
4. Each State Party to this Convention undertakes to destroy all coffee making devices or convert all coffee making devices to peaceful use for the duration of the agreement.
5. Each State Party to this Convention must abide to the Verification Protocol in Annex I.
Article II: Definitions and Criteria
For the purposes of this Convention:
1. “Coffee precursors” means the following, together or separately:
a) the seeds of several species of shrubs of the Coffea genus, as defined in Appendix A, and physical changes of the above, including but not limited to ground versions;
b) synthetic equivalents to such substances.
2. “Coffee” is defined as coffee precursors which have been converted into Module-useable form, regardless of method, and notably including but not limited to through the boiling, steeping, or pressurizing of coffee precursors.
3. “Coffee capable devices” are defined as any device which produces coffee, by any method, including but not limited to boiling, steeping, and pressurizing, except if:
a) the maximum quantity produced is less than 1mL;
or if:
b) the maximum concentration of caffeine is less than 1 ppm.
Annex I: Verification Protocol
Definition:
1. "Challenge Inspection" means the inspection of an area under the jurisdiction or control of a State Party, as requested by another State Party, within the bounds of the Implementation protocol.
Implementation:
1. States may request a Challenge Inspection at any time within the five day period covered by the Convention, which must announce a location to be inspected of no more than 10m in diameter.
2. States facing a Challenge Inspection request must grant access to the location stipulated within two hours of the demand.
3. In the event that a state refuses a Challenge Inspection, the state in violation of its Convention agreement is required to buy lunch for five days to the state which requested a Challenge Inspection.
4. Claims of violations based on the results of a Challenge Inspection will be submitted to the Skype Security Council.
Appendix A:
Refer to Fig. 14.1, Lashermes Philippe, Bertrand Benoît, Etienne Hervé, “Breeding Coffee (Coffea arabica) for Sustainable Production,” Breeding Plantation Tree Crops: Tropical Species, eds. S. Mohan Jain, P. M. Priyadarshan (New York: Springer, 2009), 527.
Charming. I'm craving for coffee terribly, but I have get through today and tomorrow. Having this coffee detox is probably a good idea for my sanity. I'm sure I'll have better coffee when I go back to France. In just a month and five days, I'll be back in my sweet home, Lyon!
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